The Camaro Club (UK)

WTF? How do court recorders/minute takkers and witnesses keep a straight face at times?
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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"Main Force Patrol we,re out of the game "

haha.. ..Seem some of them before but still very good..

My contribution for the day:

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names
might appear ... and be misread. These are not made up, check them out yourself!

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that
represents any celebrity. Their website is
http://www.whorepresents.com <http://www.whorepresents.com> <http://www.whorepresents.com/>

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers
can exchange advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com <http://www.expertsexchange.com>
<http://www.expertsexchange.com/>

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
http://www.p###.net <http://www.p###.net> <http://www.p###.net/>

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
http://www.therapistfinder.com <http://www.therapistfinder.com> <http://www.therapistfinder.com/>

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
http://www.powergenitalia.com <http://www.powergenitalia.com> <http://www.powergenitalia.com/>

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales
http://www.molestationnursery.com <http://www.molestationnursery.com> <http://www.molestationnursery.com/>

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com <http://www.ipanywhere.com> <http://www.ipanywhere.com/>

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
http://www.cummingfirst.com <http://www.cummingfirst.com> <http://www.cummingfirst.com/>

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
http://www.speedofart.com <http://www.speedofart.com> <http://www.speedofart.com/>

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“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

class

They`re still in use , thats the best bit.

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"Main Force Patrol we,re out of the game "

Brilliant !!

cheers...Nige

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Too much power...not enough hands!!

Too much good in those posts! Brilliant

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Fantastic

Excellent Stuff had the guys at work in stiches

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Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the restraints !!!!

love them

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Kind Regards
TopCat
Secretary
Classic Camaro Club
Member of The Association of American Car Clubs UK
Email :tboles@strathnoon.co.uk Websites: http://www.classiccamaroclubuk.com and:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdhLJtR_ZY4